


Sea-Salt

by GerardSlay



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alcohol, Anorexia, Axel is in a band, Get over it nerds, Literally fucktons of music references, M/M, Might as well mention it in case someone needs it, Roxas is 17 and Axel is 21, Self harm in general, Smut, Suicide, Suicide mention, Tags will be added as needed/ when they come up, That's legal where I live idk, Use of the f slur
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3656982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GerardSlay/pseuds/GerardSlay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I know I've never seen him before in my life. There isn't a single feature about him that is forgettable: the spiky, flame colored hair, the freakishly skinny and tall build, and the piercing green eyes that have widened in disbelief. But for some reason he seems so familiar. </p>
<p>"Y-you...?" he stammers.</p>
<p>Me? What about me? Why do I feel like I've seen him before...?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first story ever. This is probably going to be a train wreck. I apologize in advance for however this ends up. It's going to be a wild ride and I hope you'll bear with me through it. If this actually does well enough for me to update multiple times, I don't exactly know what my updating routine would be.  
> I guess we'll deal with that when it comes to it.
> 
> Quote: "The end is the beginning of all things, suppressed and hidden, awaiting to be released the rhythm of pain and pleasure" - Unknown

_Beep! Beep! Beeep!_

I aimlessly swatted around, trying to silence the annoying beeping sound emitting from my alarm clock.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEP!_

The noise continued to grow louder until I slammed my fist down onto the button on the top of the clock and silencing it for good.

"Roxas! You're going to be late if you don't get up now!" Through the tired haze, I could recognize my mother's voice yelling from downstairs.

I seriously contemplated the option of not getting up - ultimately resulting in me being late to school on my first day. Knowing better than to defy my mother, I pulled myself out of bed and began to dress. I grabbed my Twilight High uniform and hurriedly put it on. Racing to the bathroom, I quickly check my hair and fix my uniform. My blond hair is flying up in all directions, but I don't mind. Slight dark circles are under forming under my blue eyes, my awkward stature making my uniform look uncomfortably big on me, the perfect look that says "I seriously don't want to be here today". I sigh at my depressing getup before heading downstairs to greet my mother.

"Oh good, you actually got up," she giggles while sipping her morning coffee.

"Good morning to you too..." I grumble out as I put my coat on, trying not to seem disheveled.

"Good morning, Mr. Sassy Pants. You need to get going." she taps her watch and shakes her head at me.

I glance at the clock on the wall and panic sets in when I see it's 8:10; I have ten minutes to get my ass down to school. I turn to open the door when my mother interrupts me once again.

"Forgetting something?" she mocks as she tosses my keys to me.

Seriously? Forgetting something as basic as my keys? I really need to get more sleep. Whatever, one problem at a time. My main focus right now needs to be on getting to school on time. 

I start up my car and pull out of the driveway. Thank the gods that I don't live very far away from the school - a five minute drive on a good day. Since today is literally my first day of my senior year, maybe I should drive a little fast so I can show up on time.

 

* * *

 

 

I end up at school with a measly 3 minutes to spare. Rushing to my first class, I don't bother acknowledging the hello's from acquaintances who don't seem to mind being late. You know what they say, first impressions are everything, right? My first impression isn't going to be that I'm a slacker. Even if I don't mind not turning some of my assignments in, I'm not going to have my teachers giving up on me the second I walk into class. 

Stopping outside of room S314 I try to catch my breath. Why do classes have to be on the damn third floor? I take a deep breath and prepare to step into the hell that is math.

Opening the door, I immediately spot some of my friends sitting at some desks in the center of the room. Thank god at least some of us are together in this class. Normally there's 5 of us - not counting me. Sora, Riku, Hayner, Pence, and Olette. In this class thought, it was just Hayner and Pence. I walk over to them and take a seat next to Hayner.

"Roxas! You ready for the last year of suffering?" he laughs, obviously thinking he was the first person to ever make that joke.

"Yeah whatever. At least you guys are here, it takes the edge off a bit." I smile at Hayner before turning my attention to our teacher.

Our calculus teacher (who's name is apparently Mr. Strife) proceeded to go on and on about the curriculum for this school year, how we should expect our day to be going, etc. I do my best to stay awake throughout his boring lecture. 

 

* * *

 

 

I move through the motions of the day, heading to each class, doing those stupid ice breaker activities, listening to each teacher do the same speech about their personalized syllabus, the works. At the end of the day, I'm so exhausted but I don't want to go home yet. I'm walking out to my car when I see all of my friends standing around Sora's van.

"Rox-as!" Sora practically sings my name and hugs me so tight I think I might die.

"Jesus christ Sora, I'd like to keep my spine intact." I wheeze out, trying to push him away.

"Aww but Roxas, I haven't seen you since the beginning of the summer!" he whines.

That was true. Sora and Riku went away all summer together. I don't exactly know where, probably somewhere secluded and exotic? Somewhere romantic? They've been dating for as long as I can remember, so those ideas aren't really out of the ballpark. It's nice to see him again though.

"Yeah, I know. Maybe you should tell us where you guys are going next time." I give Sora a little rub on the head to satisfy his need of attention.

"Oh you hush. You guys don't need to know about where me and Riku go on our special time!"

"Woaah, okay I'm gonna stop you right there," Riku comes and grabs Sora from me, instantly shutting him up. Thank god for Riku's ability to get him to stop talking at the drop of a hat.

"Well, we better get going if we want to make it to the game." a huge grin is plastered on Pence's face as he chimes in about some sports game they're all apparently going to.

"Yeah! I don't want to miss the jump ball!" squeals Olette.

"You should come with, Roxas!" 

"Uh, no thanks. I don't really like sports ball," I roll my eyes and turn towards my car, hoping they won't try to beg and make it awkward.

"Fine. Suit yourself!" Sora yells from the passenger seat window while everyone files into the van.

I sure as hell don't want to go to the stupid basketball game, but I also don't want to go home. Where else is there to go? I know exactly where.

 

* * *

 

 

I pull up to Ansem's Ice Cream Parlor about 10 minutes later. God I love this place. I used to come here all the time as a kid, but now a days I only come here alone to binge on ice cream and wallow in self pity. Now seems like a perfect time to do that.

I walk up to the counter, and go to dig my wallet out of my backpack.

"I'll have a double scoop of sea-salt icecream. Waffle cone." I tell the cashier while rummaging through my backpack.

"That'll be $2.50," the cashier practically purrs.

I pull my money out and go to hand it to the cashier, but when we lock eyes we simultaneously gasp.

I know I've never seen him before in my life. There isn't a single feature about him that is forgettable: the spiky, flame colored hair, the freakishly skinny and tall build, and the piercing green eyes that have widened in disbelief. But for some reason he seems so familiar. 

"Y-you...?" he stammers.

Me? What about me? Why do I feel like I've seen him before...?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez guys, I told myself I'd update at 20 hits. I honestly didn't think I'd get there, let alone in a day. Well, if anyone is actually enjoying, here is another chapter for you!
> 
> I do not own Kingdom Hearts, nor do I own any of the characters. Just a big fan. Keep up the good work, Square Enix.
> 
> Quote: "We don't meet people by accident, they are meant to cross our path for a reason." - Unknown

I stand in front of the register, eyes locked with the confusing cashier. 

"Um... Do I know you?" I finally manage to squeak out.

A look of disappointment crosses the man's face. "Just as I thought. You don't remember me."

Remember him? What is this freak talking about? I think I'd remember him if I saw him somewhere, he looks like a giant fire hydrant. I mean, I come here every so often and he works here so I've probably seen him. Have we actually had a conversation before?

"I-I'm sorry?"

"Are you sure that you don't remember me? Not even a little bit?"

He looks so desperate right now. I'm starting to feel a bit freaked out by this point. I nervously hand him the $2.50, waiting for my ice cream. He looks confused by the gesture, but he snaps out of his fit of desperation and walks to the display and scoops out the ice cream.

Sea-salt ice cream has always been my favorite. I know, it sounds disgusting, but there's just something about it. It's so salty, yet sweet at the same time. I've never understood why, but I've always just felt so calm whenever I have some. I'm going to need it more than ever right now with this creeper trying to act like we know each other. 

He hands me the ice cream and I cautiously take it from him, doing my best to not touch his hand in even the slightest way.

Cone in hand, I turn away from him, shuffling quickly to a booth as far away from the counter as possible. I settle into an old red and blue striped booth and sigh. I silently go about eating my ice cream, trying not to think about the giant fire gremlin very obviously watching me from the counter.

I look around and see a table with a mother and three young children, giggling and chomping away at their frozen treats. It's never busy this time a day, so I'm not too shocked there's only one other group of people here with me. But thank god that I'm not the only one in the parlor with the giant fire hydrant man. I zone out while I start to bite into the waffle cone when I see a flash of red out of the corner of my eye. Next thing I know, the creep is sitting across from me. 

"Can we talk?" he sounds like a wounded puppy. Why is he taking this so hard?

"Sure...?" I don't know if that's the correct answer here to ensure my well-being. 

"Okay good." he fidgets around nervously.

About 30 seconds go by and he has yet to say anything. I'm about ready to book it out of there when he finally clears his throat and begins to speak,

"Are you completely sure that I don't even look the slightest bit familiar?"

"You do. But I can safely say I don't know why. I don't even think I've been waited on by you before." I nervously glance to the table with the mother and children. They're still there, good.

"I know. Because we meet in the last life."

Is this guy for real? The "last life"? I let out a laugh, and his face twists into a scowl.

"Could you stop that? I'm being serious here. You can't forget about me. You can't forget us." His voice cracks at the word "us" like it's some painful memory.

I pop the final bite of my cone in my mouth, a wave of disappointment washing over me when I realize my calming ice cream is gone. I'm not about to stop and ask him for more, either.

"Please, listen to me. I'm not crazy! You know me. Just take a look at me, please!" 

I humor him and look at him closely. With only the minimal look-over I had done when I'd first got here, I only really saw the features that stuck out like neon signs. Yeah, he was giant and lanky, he had beautiful eyes, and some devilishly red hair. But upon further inspection I see two little marks below each eye. They almost look like upside down tear drops, and they look to be tattooed on. Small flashes of tattoos poke in and out of sight under his black work shirt. His hair is pulled up into a ponytail which revealed small studs lining his ears. It was safe to say that he was absolutely gorgeous.

"Okay, done. Now what?" I ask sarcastically. Was looking at him supposed to ring any bells?

"Ha. Always the smart ass," he says in a sorrowful tone.

"Look. Are you going to start making sense soon or not?" I'm starting to grow impatient with this lunatic. 

"I'm just so nervous and happy to see you again, Roxas." 

I perk up when my name is said. "Why do you know my name?"

"I told you already, we met in the past life."

"Are you fucked up in the head or something? Are you stalking me?" I look around frantically, trying to find the woman and her children. They're gone now. I'm starting to panic.

"Roxas would you calm down? Nothing's gonna be solved with you acting like this."

"Excuse me? I just wanted ice cream and what did I get? A guy claiming to know me with some mythical "past life" bullshit who somehow knows my name!"

A faint chime comes from the direction of the door, and I turn my head to see a family of 5 file into the parlor. I look back towards the man in front of me and see him frantically scrawling something onto a napkin. 

"Please, at least consider calling or texting me. I'd love to answer any questions you have, but I really need to go now." He gestures to the family waiting at the counter.

I glance down at the napkin, " _612-xxx-xxxx - ♥ Axel"_ is scrawled hurriedly onto it. Who does this guy think he is?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time I said was going for 50 hits.  
> Holy shit guys, thank you so much. I'm sorry if I'm updating too frequently or something, but I'm currently on spring break and have nothing better to do. Also, having all this support is really great and makes me super motivated to update more.  
> Once again, I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters.
> 
> Quote: "To live a fool or die alone  
> To say goodbye or be disowned  
> Make a choice or live inside the gray" - Lust by NeverShoutNever

 

"So, how was your first day at school?" My mother's cheerful voice pierces through the awkward silence at the dinner table, making me jump in surprise.

"Uh... It was fine."

"Just fine? Do you have any classes with any of your friends? How about that Sora kid? He seems nice." my mother, everyone. Master of small talk.

"Yeah, I have my first hour Calc class with Hayner and Pence. Sora and Riku are in my fifth hour English,"

"Ooo, that's good! You should invite one of your friends over someday." she says with the most enthusiastic smile I have ever seen.

"Yeah, maybe."

I look down to the plate of food in front of me. I don't feel like eating right now, I'm still too shaken up. I politely excuse myself from the table, picking my plate up and setting it on the counter to be disposed of later.

 

* * *

 

 

I head up to my room, closing my door tightly behind me. I let out a deep sigh and sulk over to my bed, plopping myself down on top of the sheets. Why is this guy getting under my skin? I have to admit, I am curious about this whole "last life" thing. I glace over to my cellphone placed on my bedside table. Should I actually reach out to him...? I mentally weigh the pros and cons of this situation.  _  
_

_Pro: I'll finally get some answers, he's not bad looking, maybe he won't be such a creep after all?_

_Cons: He freaks me out, he could potentially kill me, what if he traces my phone and finds out where I live?_

I let out a frustrated grunt and dig into my pocket, feeling around for the napkin. I grab the crumpled up paper and start to smooth it out to make it legible again. I stop for a moment, almost chickening out. " _You need to do this."_ the inner me says. I'm right, I need to do this. With trembling hands, I pick up my cell and begin typing the number in.

It rings a few times before I hear the sound of the call being picked up. Someone shouts over loud music for someone else to turn it down, and then mumbles something unintelligibly under their breath. 

"Uh... Axel?" I say into the receiver nervously.

"Hello, Roxas."

 

I'm at a loss of words. An awkward moment of silence passes before he clears his throat.

"I assume you want some answers?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

"Well, start asking. I'm sure I'd be able to answer any of your questions." He laughs.

I get up from my bed and start to pace around my bedroom. What do I even want from him? I never thought I'd actually get this far...

"If we really met in a different life, how did we originally meet?" I finally ask.

I can practically hear his happiness, "Well! That's an easy one. This is actually the second time we've had to go through this process, you didn't remember me the last time we met either. That time didn't go over so well. But the veeery first time, we were really close. It's such a long story really, it'd be much easier if we were speaking in person."

I stop my pacing and internally panic. Speaking in person? Is that actually an option? 

"Um... I-I guess it would depend on where?"

God I'm such an idiot.

"How about Alpha Coffee shop? The one right next to Ansem's Parlor?"

A coffee shop. It's in public, and pretty popular. There's a very slim chance I'd get murdered there, unless he kidnapped me. He absolutely wasn't buff, but neither am I. Maybe I could still take him down if I needed to. But he has a good 6 inches on me, would that give him the upper hand in a fight? Would I need to go out and buy pepper spray? Would I-

"Roxas? You there?" he interrupts my thoughts, snapping me back to attention.

"I'm here," I mutter.

"Great. I'm gonna need an answer soon," he's starting to sound agitated. How long was I zoned out?

"Fine. I'll go."

"Seriously?!" He practically squeals with glee.

"Yes. Don't act all weird and make me regret this." I sigh.

"Oh god, you won't regret it. I swear." He's still a little too excited for my liking.

"It can't happen tonight though, It's late and I have school in the morning. How about Friday at 5?" 

"Perfect. I wouldn't miss it for the world,"

"Uh, okay. Bye Axel." He's really starting to freak me out.

"Until Friday, Roxas," he purrs before hanging up.

What the fuck did I just get myself into...

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, an extremely upset GerardSlay here.  
> I wrote out the entire fucking chapter (Which I actually thought was pretty good, and I haven't thought any of the chapters were up to my standards yet) AND MY COMPUTER FROZE AND THE TAB CLOSED. So if this chapter sucks, I'm really sorry. Just know the first draft of it was amazing, and my laptop hates me.  
> I'm literally so mad though, it was a really long chapter too. I'll do my best to recreate it.
> 
> As always: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. Nor do I own the song used in this chapter: Halo by Starset.
> 
> Quote: There was a quote that I'd picked out, but I don't remember it. If I ever do, I'll edit and put it in.

The days fly by fast. The beginning of school is always so boring. There's nothing to do, nothing to talk about. Normally, this would be totally fine, but there was one problem: it's Friday.

T-minus 3 hours til I go to meet with Axel. I'm sitting in my 6th period health class. The teacher is going on and on about how cancer develops in cells as I absentmindedly stare out the window to my left. If I end up dying today, I swear I'll come back and haunt his ass.

 

* * *

 

 

I glance over at the clock on my bedside table, it's 4:30 and I'm still laying in bed in my with my uniform on. Maybe I should get up and look at least halfway decent. I don't want to look like a loser (even if it is just with him). What do I have that says, I'm-not-trying-too-hard-but-I-don't-want-to-look-like-some-homeless-person-who-lives-in-their-school-uniform?

I decide on a pair of khaki pants that cling to my legs just how I like, a plain black v-neck, and black shoes. I look at myself in the mirror, satisfied with my getup. 

I go to grab my keys, but stop myself. Do I really want to do this...? _"I need to do this_." my inner self says. I'm right, I do need to do this. I snatch up my keys and head out the door.

 

I pull up to Alpha's at 4:55. I don't want to go in yet, he'll probably think I got here early because I was excited or something. I decide to just sit and play game on my phone for a while. After a riveting game of Snake, it's 5:03. Not on time, not too late, and not too early. I haven't seen Axel walk in or out of the building. I don't doubt that he got there way before I did.

Upon entering the shop, my nose is immediately assaulted with the smell of coffee. I don't know how to navigate around here, I don't really come to coffee shops. This is certainly the biggest one I'd ever seen. The main room was full of small tables and a fireplace in the center. The walls were painted a warm brown with stencils of coffee beans occasionally painted onto the wall. The ordering counter was off to the far right, and quiet jazz music played, creating a calm atmosphere. Among all the people, Axel wasn't anywhere to be seen.

The next room had a stage lining the left wall. A man with dirty blond hair and a guitar stood on stage, singing some sad love song. There were a lot of small tables in the room, a lot of them filled with people sipping coffee and watching his performance. I spotted the red hair and quickly shuffled over and sat down across from him.

"Woah. You actually came?" a look of bewilderment spread across his face.

"Yes. I said I would be here, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did. But I'm just so happy you really came. You look good."

"Uh... you too." 

He did look good. He wore black skinny jeans with a crewneck of some band I'd never heard of's logo plastered onto it. His spikes were naturally flying in all directions, and a small silver hoop dangled from his septum.

"Was that always there?" 

"Was what always where...?"

I reached over and poked at the little spikes on one end of the hoop, "This."

"Oh, my septum ring? I've had it for like two years now. I flip it at work, wouldn't want the boss freaking out about it." He proceeds to flip the hoop up into his nose so it's no longer visible.

"That's awesome!" 

"Haha, thanks." He flicks it back out.

The performer finishes his song and everyone starts clapping, including Axel. I start clapping too, even though I haven't listened to a single word he's said since I got here.

"This next one is a cover of a song, I hope you enjoy." The man says into the microphone as he starts to strum.

_I can see you running, running, every night from the same darkness. It's coming, coming, but you are not alone._

"Anyways, you came here to find out about how we met. You still want to know?"

"Yes." I try to sound as serious as possible.

_If you just say the word, I'll be there by your side._

"Alright then. Well, you didn't talk much at first. I was assigned to basically train you in, and I we spent a lot of time together so you eventually warmed up to me. We started seeing each other outside of work, like hanging out and stuff. Ironically we always got ice cream."

He stops speaking and starts singing along with the performer,

__You make me more, you make me superhuman._  And if you need me to, I will save you._

He stops singing and looks at me with a smile. 

"Sorry, I just really like the song. He plays it almost every time he's here."

"It's fine. You're pretty good at that." 

"Thanks," he says sheepishly.

"Anyways, I don't want to go into any detail and freak you out, but we were practically inseparable. God I loved it..." sadness spreads across his face.

"You said that this is the second time you've had to convince me. What happened the other time?" I try to keep the conversation going.

"I told you the day we met, it ended badly. We fought a lot in the beginning. It was a lot like this exact conversation actually, you thinking I'm some insane creep, me trying to convince you otherwise, etcetera. You eventually remembered and things went back to the way they were the first time, so that was nice." 

"How could it have ended badly then if things were going so well?" I laugh, trying to lighten the mood

"Well, a life ends because you die, I died." He says flatly.

"Oh."

So much for lightening the mood...

"Yeah. I took my own life actually." 

"I'm sorry..." 

"It wasn't your fault," his lips move into a sad smile.

How am I supposed to respond to that? None of this rings any bells, if there even are any bells to ring. But I'll admit, once you give him a chance, Axel isn't so scary. Definitely not as creepy and stalkish as he was at the parlor.

"How am I supposed to believe you?" I say quietly.

"I'm telling the truth, I swear! Just give me some time. You'll remember, just like last time! Please Roxas." he pleads.

 _Give him some time?_  I sit silently and contemplate what my options.

"Okay." I eventually squeak out.

"Okay?" he repeats slowly.

"Yeah. I'll give you time. You can try to make me remember whatever this is. I'm willing."

"Holy shit, really? Roxas you won't regret this. It'll be just like before."

"Please stop acting weird. I gave you the chance already. I should get going soon though," I check the time on my phone. The screen says It's only 5:26. It hasn't even been half an hour yet?

"I should too, I'll walk you out." He stands up and starts towards the exit.

I follow behind him. We exit the building together and he turns to me. In a flash of red, I'm pinned to the wall in a bruising kiss.

I sit completely frozen, unsure of what to do and how I ended up like this. He pulls away from the kiss and brings his mouth to my ear.

"It was amazing seeing you again," he whispers into my ear before turning and walking off to his car. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello my children.  
> For those who celebrate it, happy Easter. (Just in case there is no update tomorrow.)  
> I'm watching Late Night With Cry and Russ and trying to write this simultaneously, so I'm sorry for such a late upload.  
> As always, I do not own Kingdom Hearts. Never will.
> 
> Quote: "That little kiss you stole, it held my heart and soul." - Deathbeds by Bring Me The Horizon.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I don't even know what to say. I'm sitting against the brick wall of Alpha's, still trying to process what happened.

I've never had a doubt in my mind that I was attracted to men, It's not that big of a deal. I didn't think I'd need to spell that one out for you. I've had a few flings here and there, but with Axel it's different. He freaks me out beyond imagination, but at the same time he's really interesting. I mean, he makes good small talk, and is nice to look at. He's got to have a story or two to share (One that isn't about how there was an "us"), and maybe he has potential to be a really good friend.

But there's also the very,  _very_ , important things that aren't so good: his first impression was absolutely terrible, I'm still convinced he might murder me, he just  _kissed me,_ and I'm kind of afraid of the stories he tells me.

"Fuck..." I mumble, holding my head in my hands.

Why does everything have to be so confusing? I already told him I'd let him have his time. Maybe this could be good for me, maybe I just need to branch out. Yeah, that'll be nice. I'm sure he has friends, maybe they'll be really nice and keep him from kidnapping me.

Should I contact him? His number is still in my recently contacted list, I could just text him couldn't I? I don't have to hear his voice, I don't have to see him. It's perfect.

I dig through my pocket for my phone, the screen telling me it's 5:58 now. I've been out here for over half an hour. I've been sitting out herealone, trying to sort through my thoughts. I'm so pathetic. Whatever, time to man up and face this head on.

_Roxas: Hey. It's Roxas by the way in case you didn't save my number._

I get up and head back towards my car. I've been sulking long enough.

 

* * *

 

 

My mother is waiting for me. She pounces as soon as I walk through the door, "Where have you been?" She sounds pissed.

"I went out for coffee with a friend." I say nonchalantly.

"Oh really? Which friend? You never go out." She raises an eyebrow.

"His name is Axel."

"Axel?" She repeats slowly, like she's trying to comprehend the name.

"Yes. Axel."

"You've never mentioned an Axel before, and now you're just going off without telling me first? You're not 18 yet. You need to let me know where you're going next time."

I know she can tell I'm being a little... odd. _  
_

"Alright. I'm sorry. Won't happen again." I say over my shoulder, walking upstairs to my room. She does NOT need to know the details of my day.

I enter my room and lock the behind me.

I touch my lips, remembering what he'd done. 

 _"It was amazing to see you again"_ Just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine.

Wait. Has he texted me back? I whip out my phone and unlock it. The little messaging app shows a small red "1" above it.

_Fuck._

I nervously open the message, it really is from him.

_Axel: Miss me already?_

Is he mocking me?

_Roxas: Not even. Just curious as to why you assaulted me and then could just walk away_

There. Two can play at this game.

 _Axel: Ooo getting right to the point i see? I kissed you cuz i felt like it. You didn't seem to mind_ (Winky emoji)

My cheeks flush. Did I enjoy it...? It was so sudden and I was so startled that I didn't focus on how it felt.

How long has it been since I actually kissed someone...?

_Roxas: Maybe I did, maybe I didn't._

_Axel: You totally did_

_Roxas: ANYWAYS how long until you're going to tell me more? Or like, "try to win me over" ?_

_Axel: If youre gonna ask me out, do it already_

_Axel: You know id love to get up in that bizniz_

What the fuck.

_Roxas: Remember when I told you to stop being weird before I kick you in the throat? Yeah. That's still a thing._

_Axel: I remember no threats of my throat being kicked._

_Roxas: Shut up. You know what I mean._

_Axel: Okay okay i have work like all week so if you care to feed your addiction, you can stop by._

_Roxas: Maybe I will._

_Axel: Whether that addiction be me, or the ice cream_ (Kissy face emoji)

_Roxas: Stop doing that or else I won't visit._

_Axel: Fiiiine._

_"Would it be okay if I texted you again sometime?"_ I stare at what I'm about to say and hesitantly press "send".

I see the little dots indicating that he's typing pop up and disappear multiple times before I finally receive a simple,

 _Axel: Yes._  

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please please PLEASE read the notes. It's extremely important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out I got home early enough to update on Easter!  
> It says it's going to be posting this tomorrow though, so I guess you'll read it tomorrow? I don't know. I haven't gotten the hang of this website yet. This chapter is a lot about a past relationship of Roxas's and some backstory for things that were slightly mentioned in the first chapter. Very heavy trigger warnings for Anorexia and general self harm.  
> I would like to take a moment to say that I do base some events that have already happened in this story/are going to happen soon off of things that have happened in my life, so please be respectful of that. Obviously, things are tweaked and added for the sake of the story. Thank you.
> 
> And as always, I don't own Kingdom Hearts.
> 
> Quote: "If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first hand what it's like to be me." - The End by My Chemical Romance.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.

Honestly, I still have no idea how I feel about Axel.

It's the most frustrating thing, not knowing how to feel about someone. I know I've said it a million times. I just want to be around him and learn more about him, but I'm also afraid to talk to him. Maybe I should take him up on his offer and go see him...

"Roxas? Are you even listening?" A small voice says from across the table.

Shit. I forgot I'm here with someone.

"I'm sorry... I kind of zoned out," I say sheepishly. I'm a terrible friend.

She picks around at the salad on her plate, trying to trick me into thinking she's eaten.

"Namine..." I put my hand on top of her significantly smaller hand.

She brushes a stray chunk of blonde hair behind her ear, tears pooling at her eyes. She gives me a small smile.

"You need to eat something..."

She takes a small amount of food into her fork, slowly lifting it to her mouth. I hate seeing her like this.

We all have our issues. I'm just glad I've managed to (mostly) overcome my demons.

 

* * *

 

 

Namine is my best friend. She has been since the day we met when we were 15. I'd do anything for her, and I know this is the right thing to do.

We used to be together, Namine and I. Most people say we were doomed from the very start, and it feels like a shitty teen romance novel every time I have to tell someone where we met. We met in a rehab facility.

Yeah, soak it in folks. I know.

It's a common misconception for men to not feel the same emotions as a woman. I seriously don't understand why, we all have emotions, why aren't guys allowed to feel depressed or suicidal?

I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa when I was 15. I wasn't even really chubby to begin with. It was the way you see it in movies, just a little bit and then I'll be done. I'll be bffs with food again after I lose 5 pounds. Just like in the movies, it didn't stop there.

Everyone always seems to want to know the details, so here: I was 15, yes I know that's not healthy, I am 5 foot 10 inches, I was 145 pounds before, 99 once hospitalized.

It started long before that though. The thought was always there. The hatred to my own body, the depression, all that jazz. It's not like I was some loner outcast at school, no really tragic event that happened. I had friends, a girlfriend, a life, but I just didn't like myself, understand?

I know my girlfriend of the time, Kairi, knew something was wrong. She never really asked though. The closest she ever got to bringing it up was saying that my hips stuck out so far that sometimes when we had sex they'd poke into her skin so hard it hurt her.

She never really asked about the scars either, which was reasonable. Who wants to be that person who asks a self-harmer what the cuts are about? I knew she was waiting til I told her. I wore these little black and white checkered wristbands to cover them up usually so I wouldn't worry her.

We dated for about 6 months, and then I broke it off. Things just didn't really feel right, you know? I know that I loved her, and she loved me. She loved me more than I could have ever comprehended. We did everything together, and she didn't really have many friends. I was all she had, and she was my best friend.

When I broke it off, she kind of went ballistic. She'd text me and ask about my day, even when she knew I didn't want to speak to her. She would tell me how depressed she was, and I would just be an ass. Looking back, I should have been nicer. I understand why she did the things she did now, but there's nothing to do about it now.

 

Kairi took her own life about two weeks later.

After she was gone, I didn't know what to do. I knew she did it because she had nothing left without me, and I don't really know how to deal with that. The eating restrictions I had set for myself had gotten tighter, the depression worsened, the cuts were deeper. I don't exactly remember much about the day I was sent to rehab. I know it had to be around the one month anniversary of her death. 

I remember being home alone. I remember the blood on the bed sheets. I remember the hunger being much more demanding that day. I remember the darkness being a lot more demanding that day.

 

I know that when I woke up in the hospital, my mother was sitting next to my hospital bed, crying. When she noticed I was awake, her eyes widened and she'd started crying harder and yelling "Thank you," to nobody in particular between sobs. She'd informed me that she got home and went to my room to ask how my day was. She saw the lights were off and I was laying in bed, so she thought I was asleep. She tried to wake me up, and when I didn't respond,she threw my covers off to witness what I'd done. She called 911 and desperately tried to fix me while she waited for the paramedics.

She asked if I had been eating. I told her yes, and she started sobbing harder.

"Please Roxas... Don't lie to me..." she said in a quiet, choked up voice.

She brought me out of my bed and stood behind me at a full length mirror on one side of the room. She silently untied my hospital gown and let it drop to the floor.

"Look at yourself..." she whispered.

My skin was pale, eyes sunken in, and my hair was thin. My cheekbones were sharp and angular, my skeleton on my torso being completely outlined. It looked like my bones were trying to break out of my skin to be free. Free from the malnourishment they'd been forced to undergo. I could feel the tears soaking my face as I continued to stare at what I've become.

She also told me that I was going to be sent somewhere that could help me. I silently nodded in agreement. I knew it was the best thing to do, so I didn't fight it for my mother's sake.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days later I was transferred to a rehab institution in Hollow Bastion. I'll spare you the details of the psychiatrists sessions and the doctor's visits. I want to talk about the group therapy sessions. There were a few random kids who I never bothered to learn the name of, a leader of the group, and Namine.

She'd perked my interest the second I saw her, and I decided to get to know her.

She'd had her own fair share of problems, which out of respect I won't be saying, even in this inner monologue of mine. We really seemed to click, and it wasn't long before we started dating. I was so afraid, knowing that she was so much like Kairi. They even looked alike. Maybe I was so drawn to her because of that...

It was fine for a while, and I actually thought that I was getting better with my addictions. Namine, on the other hand, was still following the cruel disease's orders. She refused to be helped. She thought her body was perfect and healthy. As you could probably guess, it wasn't.

She tried to convince me that I didn't need the treatments I was undergoing. She encouraged me to join her rebellion. It'd been about a month since I got there before I knew how bad her condition really was. The demons took over her mind, her logic, and her life. I'd gotten up to 110 in that month, and I was proud. She just looked at me with disappointment.

I knew that it needed to be broken off between us, but I didn't want it to be like last time...

I wouldn't be able to deal with a second death on my account. I started to slowly but surely act less like a boyfriend, and more like a friend. Stopped kissing her on the lips, no holding hands, etc. I did always encourage her to fight her battles, and told her how much I was proud of her whenever I saw her eating.

Eventually, she got the hint and said we should just be friends. I was so glad and I tried my best to contain my relief while she explained her reasoning to me.

A month later, I was discharged from the program. I returned home and tried to adjust to the normal lifestyle again, and tried to assure my mother I was better.

Namine is still in rehab today. She'd been there so long and showed good behavior so they let her live at home again, but she still goes there every weekday for their schooling/therapy mixture program. We don't get to see each other often, but I made sure I could see her today. I miss her so much...

 

* * *

 

 

I snap out of my thoughts, looking back at Namine. She's staring at me, tears still pooling in her eyes.

I look at her plate. There's not a single leaf left on it.

I push my chair out and walk towards her, her eyes watching me like a deer in headlights the entire time. I take her hand in mine, helping her up.

I pull her into my chest, feeling her head rest against me. I feel the tears staining my shirt.

I stroke her hair, trying to calm her down.

 

"I'm so proud of you..." I whisper over and over again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is a thing again, so the updates will be later in the evenings.  
> I don't really know how long this story is going to be, but I can already say that from what I have planned, it's going to be a WHILE til this is over. Also, mentioning of Axel's suicide in this chapter.  
> Sorry about the super depressing last chapter, it just needed to be written or else the rest of the story wouldn't make much sense. I'm currently bleaching half my head and dying it pink and writing fanfiction. What a lovely time.  
> Let's do this shit.
> 
> I don't own Kingdom Hearts by the way, in case you were wondering.
> 
> Quote: "Well he was just hanging around, then he fell in love..." When The Day Met The Night by Panic! At The Disco.  
> A little side note, the quote is unfinished. I'll make sure to remind you about this later.

Axel perks up at the chime of the bell and smiles when he realizes I'm here.

"Roxas! My darling, my love, my life!" He says while clutching his chest, trying to make a scene.

"Axel I will kick you in the balls." 

"Baby please, I need those for my future spawn." He winks.

I'm going to vomit all over him if he keeps this up.

"Would you just give me my ice cream you sicko?" 

I bring my bag up onto the counter and dig through it, searching for my wallet.

"Well, SIR, would you like the same thing you had last time?" His lips curl into an over dramatic smile.

"No thanks. Just one scoop today. I'm not that hungry."

He scoops the ice cream and plops it on the cone. He turns back to me and thrusts the cone into my hands. "Here you are, MASTER." 

"Oh shut up."

He ducks behind the counter while I throw change at him.

I'm feeling pretty good about this whole situation right now. It's almost like we're becoming friends. A little smile tugs at my mouth, friends with Axel? Two weeks ago I would've smacked you if you ever said that, but we've been texting a lot recently. He's managed to win me over with his shitty jokes and sarcastic attitude.

I saunter over to a booth relatively near the counter, knowing that Axel will end up coming over here to bug me. Better keep him close to where he's supposed to be if he's gonna slack off. I lick at my ice cream.

My smile becomes a little wider when I feel the weight on the booth shift to my right. 

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear."

"Ooo, were you thinking about me? I'm so flattered." He bats his eyelashes.

He takes off the little white visor that seems to be a part of his uniform and runs his fingers through his hair. I turn so that I'm facing him.

"In your dreams you pyromaniac."

"I will never tell you stories again if you try to use them against me."

"What did you think would happen if you lit a match and-"

His hand shoots over my mouth, silencing my teasing.

"Mmph...Unnf!" I yell into his hand.

"Shhh, little one." He whispers into my ear, nibbling a little at it.

WOAH, OKAY.

I bite down on his palm and he shrieks, snatching his hand back away from my face and rubbing his palm. "Why do you have to be so mean, Roxas?" He whines.

"Don't do that weird shit. You know I'm not afraid to fight you." I give him a light push.

"Excuse me? And exactly tall are you, shortstuff?" 

"5 FEET, 10 INCHES YOU ASS." 

A roar of laughter erupts from him, "You act like I'm supposed to be scared. I happen to be 6 foot 4."

"Suck a dick, Axel."

"Only if it's yours, my little love." Another wink.

I'm completely speechless. How can he even be so calm about this stuff?

"Okay seriously stop that stuff. If you ever even want your chance, you need to calm your shit."

"Baby YOU need to calm YOUR shit. You know you remember how lovely our time together was," he licks his lips.

"Even if I did remember, I'd still appreciate it if you KEPT IT IN YOUR PANTS while we're in public." 

"But honestly, I don't remember anything about our time together still. Why is it so important to you?"

He flinches.

There's a small pause before he speaks up again.

"Promise you won't freak out?" he says in a low voice.

"Yeah." I finish my ice cream and brace for impact.

"Roxas, you and I...we, uh..." He stops for a moment to think. It seems like he's trying to phrase whatever the hell he's getting at just right.

"We kind of used to be together. Like TOGETHER together... Please don't freak out."

"Well, that explains why you're constantly so touchy-feely..." I mutter.

"Yeah. I don't know, I'm just so used to it. I miss it. A lot. I try my best not to freak you out but I can't help myself. We're meant to be together, Roxas. Why would we have gotten three lifetimes to spend together? Don't you understand how this isn't just a coincidence?"

He pauses again.

"In my letter I left for you in the last life, before I, uh... ya know..." His lips tighten into a line.

"Go on." I coax. I admit, he's got me interested (and there's no ice cream left to distract me).

"In my letter I left you, I said 'Let's meet again, in the next life'. Maybe the need to be together got us to wind up here." 

"Maybe, who really knows. I can't even give you my input on that." I laugh. He doesn't seem to think it's funny.

"I know. It's a pain in the ass. I'm not going to be able to sit here and wait for you much longer." he's leaning towards me now.

"I guess soon I'll just have to..." Closer.

"Give you a little push..." He puts his hand on top of mine.

"To help you remember what you're missin'." He places a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. 

I don't dare move my hand.

"Why are you so freaking weird."

"You know you love it," he kisses my nose again and smiles.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really need some input on something. Please read the notes section. Thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to write a prequel to this story since literally the first chapter, but I never knew how I'd make it work.  
> But now I do know, I literally figured out the entire story and I want to write it, considering certain things are referenced in literally every chapter in this story and it might make things a little clearer. I want to start writing that one, but would you guys actually read it? Please leave a comment or something if you'd be interested.  
> I'm going to release the first chapter of the prequel either today or tomorrow for those who aren't sure if they'd be interested. So be on the look out.  
> I'd also like to acknowledge the fact that we hit OVER 150 HITS?! That's so fucking insane. Thank you all for the support and stuff, I'd have no motivation to continue without you guys. This chapter is long as hell, but I had a grand old time writing it and I hope you love it as much as I do oh my god.  
> I don't own (Including, but not limited to) Kingdom Hearts, Halo by Starset, Death March by Motionless In White, or even the brief mentioning of Empire (Let Them Sing) by Bring Me The Horizon).
> 
> Quote: "...And he didn't know how, but he couldn't get out..." When The Day Meet The Night - Panic! at The Disco

I'm laying on the couch, watching some shitty rerun of a reality TV show when my phone buzzes. Thank god.

_Axel: Roxas wanna do something tonight?_

Hmm... I don't think I've actually done something on a Friday night in a really, really long time. 

_Roxas: It depends on what the something is._

_Axel: Well I have a gig tonight and you should come_

A gig? Like a performance?

_Roxas: A gig?_

_Axel: Yes. A gig. A performance with my band, duh?_

Band? Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this?

_Roxas: I didn't know you had a band_

Maybe he just assumed I knew, considering the way he dresses. 

_Axel: You really don't remember anything at all. We both have our fair share of musical talent, Roxas._

I don't know what he's talking about, I suck at singing. I'm not even in the school choir.

_Axel: It's at Alpha's at 7. You seriously should come. I'll let you touch my butttt_

_Roxas: Maybe I'll go. If you're lucky._

_Axel: I'll see you there. (winky emoji)_

Why do I put up with this loser?

 

* * *

 

 

It's 5:58 and I'm sitting at the dinner table with my mother. She's going on and on about something that happened today at work, I'm really not paying attention. "...and then they just fired him right there!" She roars. 

"Wow," I mumble, hoping that's a good enough answer for her.

"It was so crazy! Like, who fires someone for that?"

I mindlessly eat the chicken on my plate, zoning out.

Fuck, I still have to tell her I'm going to be gone tonight. Ten bucks says she freaks out.

"Uh, Mom. I'm going out tonight with a friend." I quietly state.

"YOU'RE GOING OUT? LIKE, ACTUALLY GOING OUT? ON A FRIDAY NIGHT?" She shrieks.

I'll be taking my money now.

"Yes." I lift off of my chair and head up the stairs to my room.

"You're curfew is midnight!" She yells from up to me.

Why does she have to be so embarrassing?

 

* * *

 

 

I stare at my closet. Wonder what kind of music Axel plays? If you've ever been to a concert, you understand that is crucial to your clothing choice for the night. Judging by his looks, he looks like he could play anywhere from punk rock to metal. I choose something that's safely in between. I go to the bathroom to admire my work.

A bright red crewneck hides my lankey chest, and to contrast, ripped up black skinny jeans that show off my thin legs (and make my ass look really nice, but let's not talk about that). A little key necklace hangs between my collar bones, and my hair is looking especially nice today.

It's 6:45 by the time I'm done. I take one last quick glance at myself. I'm smiling like an idiot.

 

I park my car and rush into the coffee shop. Fucking traffic, I got here with only 2 minutes to spare. I'm practically running through the main room. Thank god there are only like, three people sitting at tables. I rip the door open and almost slam straight into a girl in fishnets and chunky high heeled boots. I can already tell I'm going to stand out in the exact way I didn't want to. The room was jam packed with people. How popular was this "band" of his anyway...?

I'm attempting to move my way through the crowd to a place where I can actually see when the lights dim and sirens blare throughout the room. It scares the shit out of me, but apparently excites everyone else. The crowd is cheering obnoxiously for whatever is to come.

Through the darkness, four figures move to their designated spots on the stage. Staccato notes erupt from the guitarist and drummer before they shred into what I can only assume to be the melody of this song. The spotlights above the stage turn on, presenting a grinning Axel and three other men. He's wearing a black tee with no sleeves that's slit down the middle and "#CreepyKing" in white plastered onto the front. His lower half was covered by black leather pants that made his ass look perfect, and his pale skin made it visible he was wearing makeup even from where I was standing. Winged eyeliner with red on his lower lids, and he contoured his face to give him an even more deathly appearance.

"HOW ARE YOU GUYS FUCKIN' DOING TONIGHT?" He roars into the microphone. He receives screams and whistles in response.

"ARE YOU READY TO FUCK SHIT UP?" The screams just grew louder.

_Death. March._

The room shook with the chanting of the crowd. They all fist pumped along with the beat of the words, so I join in even though I had no idea what I'm doing. Axel suddenly dropped to a low, cryptic voice.

_This is the new world order and it's changing the game. So step right up to go down in flames. I want your sons, want your daughters, all creatures of the night. So,_

He points the mic out to the crowd,

_WAVE YOUR FLAG IF YOUR READY TO FIGHT!_

He starts to pace around the stage while the guitarist chimes in with a very high falsetto.

 _Bringing insects to their knees, catching them in webs I've weaved. You were in my dream last night, begging me to take a bite._ He moans into the microphone, causing all the females (and some of the males) to swoon. I can feel my face heating up.

_I indulge the hypocrisy and I devour the pain. I give in to the ecstasy, but the cold dark remains. I control my own destiny and I won't suffer in vain. My enemy will not be the end of me, no, no._

The crowd starts to chant again as he yells into the mic over them,

_DEATH MARCH- No! That's not how I go! DEATH MARCH- Let everyone know!_

I tune out his loud voice. I did NOT sign up for this. He could have at least asked if I was prepared to be in a hot as fuck room full of people who won't stop screaming. He also could have told me he plays fucking metal music. THAT little bit of information would have made me brace myself a little more. And seeing all these people swoon over him is making me angry. Fuck, this sucks already. I turn my attention back to him when I hear everything get a little quieter in anticipation.

Axel is pressed against the mic stand and singing in a small, shaky but yet seductive tone.

_It's chaos up in my head. My demons are my best friends. Ashes, ashes, we all fall..._

The drummer stand up and screams out,  _DOWN!_

The band simultaneously starts to head bang while the drummer has a small solo.

_There's just hate in the hole where my heart used to be, there's just hate in the hole where my heart used to be. I want you, and you, and you...._

After one more round of the chorus, the song ends. Axel is smiling wider than I've ever seen him before. His true home is on the stage, where he can be as theatrical as he wants. He lets out a small laugh and wipes his forehead with his collar.

"Thank you, thank you all. We're Organization XIII, and we've got a great show planned for you guys tonight!" the crowd erupts into applause.

"Haha, you guys are too kind." He works the crowd while the guitarist changes fumbles around with his wires.

 

* * *

 

 

The concert goes about the same way as the first song: loud, energetic, and seductive. Axel had just finished singing some song called "Empire" when he begins to speak again.

"We're gonna slow it down a little bit, folks. This next song is one that I wrote about someone very special in my life. That person is actually here right now..." he trails off, scanning the crowd.

"Come out, come out, where ever you are!" he teases.

Is he fucking talking about me? A girl next to me starts to giggle and look at her friend, acting as if she's the one he's talking about. Her friend raises her hand up and yells, "She's right here!"

"She?" Axel says in a confused voice. "Nope. Not a she. Roxas, please raise your hand up for me, sugarplum."

I'm going to fucking murder him.

I slowly raise my hand up, the girl next to me looking horrified. A spotlight shines down on me, showing how extremely red my face is right now.

"Ah, there you are. Well, I'm so happy you decided to come tonight. I couldn't wait til the end to see you, and what better timing than right before a song about you?" A devilish smile shows that he's enjoying embarrassing me. I put my head in my hands.

"This one's for you, baby."

_I can see you running, running, every night from the same darkness. It's coming, coming, but you are not alone. If you just say the word, I'll be there by your side. You make me more. You make me superhuman. And if you need me to, I will save you._

I perk up immediately. I know this song... It's the one that...

I look at the guitarist. It's the same dirt blond haired guy from the last time I was here. He said it was a cover. It was a cover of his own band's song...?

The pace picks up as Axel breaks into the chorus.

_Send out the signal and I'll fly low. If it means the death of me, I won't let go. And if I'm lost in the world's shadows, I'll use the light that comes to me from your halo!_

All the eyes are on me right now, even his. The stupid fucking spot light is still on me. I'll admit, it's not a bad song. He continues to serenade me.

 _When you're backed against the wall, I could be the one who always there to break your fall. You are not alone._ He smiles at me.

_You're the sun, you're the day. The light that guides me through. Never run, run away. I will save you._

He repeats the chorus and gestures for me to come closer to him. Everyone notices and parts like the damn red sea. I slowly drag my feet towards the stage.

The blond flows into a solo along with the drummer, and then the chorus comes again one last time. 

I reach the him and he leaps off the stage and stands in front of me. Taking his hand in mine, he starts to kind of speak-sing into the mic.

" _And if I'm lost in the world's shadows, I'll use that light that comes to me..."_ He pulls me into his arms and kisses me. The crowd goes absolutely bat shit crazy over this. I think I even saw that one girl cry out of the corner of my eye. That's right. Cry, bitch. I also can see the guitarist smile a little bit as he continues on the song while Axel is a little, uh, busy.  _  
_

" _From your halo! Your haaalooo,"_ He keeps repeating the same phrase over and over.

I close my eyes and stand on my tip toes so I can wrap my hands around his neck. He holds me tighter and a small noise of joy squeaks out of him. 

He suddenly pulls away from my lips. He lifts the mic back up to end the blond's suffering of one boring line, but he keeps me pressed against his chest and runs his fingers through my hair.

 _I won't let go, I won't let go! I won't let gooo!_ The guitarist picks up again, saying the same phrase on the opposite beat of his.

The chorus is repeated again. It sounds even better up here next to him. 

He raises his fist in the air at the last word and the lights fade out. The crowd screams for more.

"I knew you'd show up," he whispers in my ear.

 

I wouldn't have missed this for the world.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prequel is in the works as I type this.  
> It should be up by the end of the day, if not before this!  
> Use of the F slur in this chapter, warning for talking about self harm.  
> Also, their band's symbol is the nobody symbol. I would've tried to explain it but I had literally 0% idea how to describe that fucking thing.
> 
> Quote: "...Just hanging around, then he fell in love." - When The Day Met The Night by Panic! at The Disco

Axel is swallowed up by a crowd of people.

I can see him taking photos with them, signing things, and pointing out where the merch table is. I follow the direction he pointed out to some random fan to go check out his merchandise.

Faint mumbles and whispers are whirling around me. Most of them are along the lines of, "Was that just a publicity stunt?" or "He's too hot to be a fag,". 

That moment was probably the most loving thing anyone has ever done for me, and now people are going to shit on my parade. Is Axel openly gay? Or was that his way of coming out? His fans certainly didn't seem to know.

I reach the merch table and look around at what "Organization XIII" has to offer.

A poster, an EP or two, braclets, and a few shirts. One of them happens to be the same crewneck Axel wore the first time I ever came here. Ha, shameless self promotion? It's being sold for $25, that's pretty cheap for a crewneck so maybe I'll get one.

"You gonna get anything or just stand there?"

I turn to see an irritated looking woman glaring at me. She's skinny and blonde, wearing a black hoodie with the band's logo on it. Contrary to her torso being completely covered, she has a short skirt and fishnets stretched across her legs, no shoes. She must be their merch girl.

"Uh... Yeah. I'll take that in a medium," I point to the crewneck. 

"25 buckaroonies," she greedily holds out her palm. I give her the money.

She snickers while handing me my purchase, "You're the kid Axel's all hot and bothered over, aren't you!"

"Yeah." Fuck.

"Damn, I didn't think he had something in him to pull something like that! It was quite the show though, It'll get people talking." 

"I guess so..." I don't really want people talking about me. Is there a way to wipe everyone but Axel and I's memories?

"You know he talks about you, right? Like a lot. We all understand why, I mean it's been three fuckin' lifetimes of this shit. But can't he just calm his shit for like, one day?" She bitches.

I feel someone snake their arm around my waist and pull me towards them, "Larxene, don't harass Roxas."

Axel leans down and places a small kiss on my hair, causing me to freeze.

"Ax, you pulled some risky shit back there," she scolds.

"Calm down, it's fine. I don't really give a fuck what people are going to say now that they know I'm like, hella gay. If we lose some fans, so what? I'd rather not have homophobes as my fans, anyway." He's totally calm.

"If we lose fans, we lose money you twit. We lose money, we lose our van. We lose our van, we can't haul your guys' shit to gigs anymore." The longer she talks, the more angry she gets.

"Calm the fuck down, Larx. We'll be fine," he waves goodbye to her, ushering me to a different part of the room.

"I want you to properly meet the guys." He smiles down at me.

 

* * *

 

 

We stop next to the stage where the rest of his band is.

"Hey fuckers, meet Roxas," he yells over the chatter.

The three men turn their attention to Axel, and then in turn to me. 

The blond guitarist stands up first, prancing over to me and shaking my hand. "My name's Demyx!" he's a little  _too_ cheerful for my taste... His hair is cut similarly to a Mohawk in the sense that it's shaved on each side, but the hair in the center is gelled to swish like it was permanently being blown by wind. He's wearing a simple black tank and black capris.

A man with long pink hair and just black shorts on is next in line, I think he was the bassist. "Marulxia." he gives me a slight nod.

The last guy decides he doesn't feel like standing up. "Saix." he grumbles out harshly. His hair is blue and tied back into a bun, a giant X shaped scar runs across his face. I never even noticed him on stage with them. He must have been the drummer. He also as only his lower half covered by black skinny jeans.

They all have the same fashion sense, tight fitting and black, and they all seem to have an appreciation for body modification.

Beautiful colors swirl around all of their bodies, but each seem to have one piece of art that was the same: the band logo. It was on the back of Marluxia's hand, on Demyx's calf, the center of Saix's back. I wonder where it is on Axel. I mean, he IS the band's front man, he's got to have it too.

Small pieces of jewelry decorate their bodies, Demyx's left nostril, the center of Saix's bottom lip, the bridge of Marluxia's nose and his nipples.

I feel like a total outcast.

"Saix," Axel hisses.

"What. Do you expect me to be nice to him? After what he did?" He gives Axel a death glare cold enough to kill small animals.

Saix turns his attention to me, "Why are you even here? Trying to say you're sorry? You don't deserve to be here."

"He doesn't fucking remember anything you ass!"

"Really...? Like, nothing at all?" Demyx's eyes are wide.

"Weird." Marluxia chimes in.

Axel sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Yes. Nothing at all, now can we drop it? Saix, don't be a dickweed. We're starting fresh. He's never seen you guys in his life, you can even ask him!"

"Well, speak up then, kid." Saix demands.

"I-I've never seen any of you in my life, except for uh... Demyx." Saix scares the fuck out of me.

Demyx perks up at his name, smiling wide. "YOU REMEMBER ME?" He squeals.

"Um, yeah, I guess... Just because you were here the only other time I've been here. You were playing that song that's about me. You said it was a cover, though." I raise my eyebrow at him.

He looks wounded, Axel comes to his rescue, "It's a cover because it's MY song. I wrote it, I own the rights to it. If he wants to sing it without me, it's a cover."

The entire band nods in agreement.

"I thought you might have remembered the shit we used to do in the last life..."

"I said drop it." Axel threatens.

"ANYWAYS, what do you guys wanna do now? It's only 9, the night is young, my friends!"

"We could just head back to Larxene's. She's always down for a bit of fun," Marluxia wiggles his eyebrows and nudges Demyx. 

"You guys go ahead, I've got something planned for me and little Roxas here." I see him shoot a wink at the group, Saix scoffs in protest.

His hand moves from my waist to my wrist as he drags me towards the door. I wave goodbye to the bandmates, they all have a smug look on their face.

Please, if you're there God, don't let him murder me tonight.

 

* * *

 

 

We arrive at an apartment complex about 15 minutes later. I don't know why I'm here. I'm all sweaty and gross, half from the concert, half from how nervous I am right now.

"Are you gonna get out or what?" Axel looks at me with concern in his eyes. Maybe he can tell how nervous I am.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking." I shoot him a reassuring smile.

We exit his car and make our way up to his apartment. He stops in front of door 113 and fumbles around for his keys. He gives me a shy smile and finally gets the door open, gesturing for me to go in first.

"Welcome to my humble abode." He flicks on the lights and I realize I'm standing in what seems to be a small kitchen/living room combo. The walls are an off-white littered with photographs. It's surprisingly clean, with black leather furniture and a TV the only things in the living room area. He moves down a hallway and I follow. There's three doors at the end of the hallway. 

"Guest bedroom," he gestures to the door on the right. "The bathroom is the one on the left, and this is my room." he pushes the door open. 

The walls are painted a deep red, more photos and trinkets are taped to the walls. A door off to the left room is ajar, showing that it serves as a closet. In the center of his room is a big bed with simple white sheets. A computer desk is off to the left. He really likes the simplistic look, huh?

"Uh, my curfew is midnight."

"Why not just sleep over?" he suggests.

I hadn't have though about that. "I guess," I pull my phone out and text my mother that I'm staying at a friend's.

"If that's fine with your parents, you child."

"She won't care. This is the first time I've gone out in a long time..."

"Why's that?" He pulls his "#CreepyKing" shirt off, exposing the colors of his skin. That same logo that the guys had on them is tattooed above his heart. Ha, I was right. 

"Why she won't care or why I don't go out?" 

"I assume she won't care 'cause you never go out, so the other one." He raises his eyebrow.

"Well that's kind of a long story..." I say sheepishly.

"You're sleeping here, so we've got plenty of time. I hope you don't mind that I sleep in just my boxers by the way..." He rubs the back of his neck, pants hanging undone. 

I choke on my spit.

"U-uh yeah. That's okay."

He smiles and goes about taking his pants off. "I'm gonna go take my makeup off, you're welcome to join if you want." He winks.

I should've brought a change of clothes. There's no way in hell I'm sleeping in these fucking pants. I look around, trying to see if he's got a pair of shorts lying around. After scavenging around his room for a while, I have accepted my defeat.

Axel walks back into the room, face clean of any makeup and shiny. "So you're gonna sleep in skinnies and a sweater?" He cocks his head to the side.

"Not preferably..."

"Just take your sweater off, nerd. I'll find you some shorts." He walks into the closet.

Take off my sweater? What if he freaks out...? I don't even go swimming without a shirt. It's too humiliating.

Axel emerges from the closet with a pair of black basketball shorts. "These might be a little big, so just tie them really tight."

He stops walking when we make eye contact. Do I look that uncomfortable?

"What's wrong?" He plops down next to me.

"Is it because I didn't tell you we were coming here? I'm sorry, I should've let you know before-"

"It isn't that. I don't mind being here, Axel." I look at the ground.

"Then what's wrong, baby?" He lifts my chin so that I'm look at him again.

"You know I'll never judge you. Ever." His tone has drastically changed from playful to serious. It's kind of scary.

 

I slowly lift my shirt up and off my head, and his eyes widen. It's time to talk about the demons.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my children. Axel and Roxas are like, totally gonna bone in this chapter. Maybe. Not really.  
> This chapter is just a lot of fluffy goodness. I hope you don't mind.  
> Happy birthday to my idol, Gerard Way! I'd have no name for my tumblr or this account without him. Also, happy birthday to Jesse McCartney! Thank you for Roxas.  
> The next chapter of Lousy Truth should be up early tomorrow, I got home pretty late today and only had time to write about half of it out.  
> I don't own Kingdom Hearts or The Lullaby by The Spill Canvas.
> 
> Quote: "The scars, the imperfections are what make me want you more." - Under Wraps by Ghost Town

"Roxas..." He's quiet now, taking it all in.

Tears swell in my eyes, my throat tightens. I know he's looking at them, the dashes lining my skin. They clump together and are fainter at my hips, but deeper reds line my forearms. What if he thinks I'm an unstable freak?

He doesn't say anything for a long time, he just stares. I finally manage to calm myself down enough to croak out a shaky, "S-say something..."

He slowly reaches his hand out to me, as if asking if it's okay to touch me. I nod. 

He gently grabs my wrists and slightly tugs me towards him. I oblige, scooting closer to him. The second I'm near him, he pulls me into his chest.

"You're beautiful." He whispers into my hair.

My throat constricts again, the tears start to flow this time. He continues to hold me, whispering sweet nothings into my hair while I let it all out. His hands travel down my wrists again, but this time he brings them up to his mouth. He traces his lips along a long dark scar, evidence of my failed flirtation with death. He does the same to the other.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I've only talked about her with numerous therapists and Namine. I haven't even told my friends. I just made up some bullshit about going to live with some family out of state for a while...

"You don't have to tell me anything, I know these things are hard-"

"I know..." my voice is hoarse. "You said you'd never judge me. I trust you." 

I sit up a little straighter, but don't pull away from him.

"You want to know about the scars?" My gaze meets his, he gives me a simple nod in response.

"I dated a girl, and when we broke up she took her own life."

Am I being a little too blunt?

"The scars came before that, but these," I hold up my wrists for him, "were a result of her ending her life. I couldn't live with the guilt..."

"Go on,"

"I'm also anorexic. I was officially diagnosed at the ER while they were trying to sew my skin back together."

"How bad was it?" He asks, staring at the floor.

"I was 99 pounds."

He whips his head up and stares me down. His hands cup my cheek and leans his forehead against mine.

"None of this matters anymore, baby," he sounds just about as choked up as me.

It sounds dumb, but this is probably the most intimate thing I've ever done. Sure, I've had sex with girls before, but this is different. Like we really are as compatible as he described, like we were destined for each other. I can trust him enough with my deepest secret, and he doesn't shame me for it. 

He slowly hands me the black basketball shorts that I still have yet to even change into. 

"Thanks," I sniffle, rising out of his arms to get these dumb pants off.

I start to unbutton my pants, which are practically fused to my legs at this point. Axel lays back and watches me with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"What's the look for?" I almost fall over while trying to pry my legs out of the god forsaken fabric.

"I've been working on something for a little while, and I think now's a better time than ever to show you."

"What exactly is this 'something'?" I'm standing in just my boxers, suspicious of his random idea.

He raises an eyebrow, "It's not my dick, if that's what you're worried about."

"Just put the damn pants on and lay down. I'll be right back." He wanders off into the closet.

I do slide the pants over my legs, they're huge on me. I feel like a fucking dwarf. I tie them as tight as the strings will let me, but they still slightly dip down my hips. Whatever. I climb up into his bed, waiting for him to return.

After about two more minutes of waiting, he emerges from the closet with an acoustic guitar. A few stray string curl up at the tip of the head, the tan wood of the body barely is visible due to stickers being slapped all over it.

He eases into bed next to me, sitting upright against the headboard.

"I think it's time to show you my most recent mushy love song about you. I wrote this just in case I'd need it someday, if you couldn't sleep or something."

I turn towards him. It's kind of nice to have songs written in my honor. "Let's hear it." a reassuring smile plastered on my lips.

He slowly starts to strum, immediately focused on the task of singing and playing simultaneously.

_It's the way that you blush when you're nervous. It's your ability to make me earn this. I know that you're tired, just let me sing you to sleep._

He wrote me a lullaby. A fucking lullaby. This guys in deep, and it's the cutest thing I've ever witnessed.

_It's about how you laugh out of pity, 'cause let's be honest, I'm not really that funny. I know that you're shot, just let me sing you to sleep._

I slowly slide closer to him, yearning for the warmth of his skin.

_If you need anything, just say the word. I mean anything. Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in, plant my lips where your necklaces close._

I rest my head on his thigh, but he doesn't seem to notice.

_It's those pills that you don't need to take. Medicating perfection, now that's a mistake. I know that you're spent, just let me sing you to sleep._

I don't take pills anymore, but I guess he had no way of knowing that.

_It's your finger, and how I'm wrapped around it. It's your grace and how it keeps me grounded. I know that you're weak, just let me sing you to sleep. If you need anything, just say the word. I mean anything. Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in, plant my lips where your necklaces close._

His face is twisted into either anger or sadness, I can't tell. I push my self off the mattress and move so that I'm straddling his calves. He picks up the pace and starts to sing louder, as if he's filling with emotion.

_While you were sleeping I figured out everything, I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me. Now I feel your name coursing through my veins._

He finally lifts his eyes from the guitar to me, his eyes burning with passion. I lean closer.

_You shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame..._

I catch his cheeks in my hands, pressing our lips together. He immediately drops the guitar to the floor and snakes his hands around my waist. We interlock our lips for only a brief moment before I rest my forehead against his once more, but it was more than enough for he and I both. 

"Thank you, Axel." It comes out as a small whisper.

"Come to bed with me, baby. I've got work tomorrow," he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck and lifts the covers over our bodies. 

 

His arms are still wrapped around my waist as I drift into the best sleep I've had in years.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings little ones.  
> A special thank you to user Sorrowfulkisses for the motivation to actually write something.  
> The previous chapter was very abruptly ended due to being rushed by family, so I'm sorry about that. I know it was weird.  
> Well, I've got some raspberry tea, Sweeney Todd and a lot of false confidence. Time to do this shit.
> 
> Quote: "You can run away with me anytime you want." Summertime by My Chemical Romance

Life's been good to me, and I've been grateful.

The scars are healing, I have an appetite, and Axel's treated me like the most precious thing to exist. Ever since the night he sang me that lullaby, I've been regretting ever thinking of him as some stalker. I have no memory of the stories he tells me, like having the "voice of an angel" or the fact that I "really liked to wear suits". Why would I ever wear a fucking suit? But nonetheless, I'm genuinely content with life.

The familiar chime of bells alerts Axel that I've arrived, his face immediately lights up. I know he's been waiting to see me all week, so I decide to take my time walking to the counter. Stopping about 10 feet away from the counter to pretend my phone was the most captivating thing in existence was his breaking point. 

He leaps over the counter top and scoops me up into his arms.

"Why do you have to tease me?" He presses his forehead to mine.

"Because I like to feel wanted."

He laughs quietly. "You know I want you."

I free myself from the cage of his arms and head towards the booth Axel has deemed as "Roxas's spot". We take our spots across from each other and begin the usual chatter about our week.

"Olette and Hayner are kind of going out now I guess." I know he's never met my friends but he knows enough to have a general idea of who each of them are.

"Hayner's the dickhead, right?"

"Yeah. They've been like, going on dates in secret or something..."

I honestly have no idea what's going on with them. I've sort of been neglecting my friends that are my own age. I spend most my time with Axel, and if he's busy I go to Demyx. He's always free and will do pretty much whatever I want.

"Kind of like us?" He winks.

"We don't go on dates though."

"I've been pining after you for what, almost two months? I stopped my own concert for you, let you sleep at my house, kiss you, provide you a place for your strange salt ice cream addiction, and write sappy love songs about you. That's close enough." 

Smiling lovingly at him, I take the moment to admire his beauty. I prefer when he's sarcastic and playful like this. His red locks are pulled up into a ponytail with his visor perched on top, the usual while he's working. He's clean of makeup, only the small upside down teardrops decorate his face. There's just one more thing that could make right now absolutely perfect...

I reach over the table and flick the small half circle out of his nose. "Perfect," I mumble.

He adjusts it so the points are even. "You really love my septum, don't you?"

"I love when you're the real you. I saw the real you when you brought me to your show a few weeks back. You're a natural born performer, Axel."

"I know. Want to know something?"

"Sure."

"My music is important to me because it was what we bonded over in the last life," he's looking at me now, eyes full of emotion.

"It also was what drove us apart, so I guess it's kinda bitter sweet." A sad smile creeps onto his lips.

" _Oh_."

There's a pregnant pause before Axel speaks up again. "Would you wanna like, be exclusive?" He runs his hand over the back of his neck shyly.

"You mean like... dating?" 

"Yeah. That. It sounds so childish when you say it that way."

I can't say that I haven't thought about it.

"Yeah, we can do that." I smile at him.

"Good, it's already guaranteed to turn out better than last time."

 

* * *

 

I have a boyfriend.

Is this something I should tell me friends? Or do I just wait til one of them asks about it? I don't really remember how this whole dating thing works, considering I haven't dated since I was 15.

 

The lunchroom is booming with people and I aimlessly wander until I spot Olette frantically waving me over. It's almost two months into school and I have yet to remember where we sit at lunch. Wow.

Hayner, Pence, Riku, and Sora are all sitting and chatting among each other until they notice my presence. Were they talking about me or something...?

"Roxas! Haven't seen you around much!" Sora exclaims in his ever so cheerful voice.

"Yeah, no kidding." Hayner scoffs.

Olette takes her designated seat next to Hayner, gently placing her hand on his bicep. "Be nice..." she scolds.

"Where have you been, man?" Pence interjects.

"Found new cooler friends? You ditchin' us man?" Riku mocks.

"N-no, not really..." I don't know what to tell them, because I kind of have found new friends. Is that terrible to say?

"Spill the beans man!" Hayner demands. "Is it a _girl_?" _  
_

Oh fuck.

"No..."

"Then what is it!" I can hear the anger building inside him.

"I, uh... have a boyfriend." 

I'm not ashamed of the fact that I like men. Let's not forget there's a gay couple at this very table. I just never thought I'd see the day where I'd have to tell my friends, it's never been such an important factor to me. I think Olette already had her suspicions though. Women can practically sniff that shit out.

"That's awesome! What's his name? What's he like? Does he go to this school? Can we meet him?" Sora immediately jumps up to my side and badgers me with questions.

"His name is Axel, he's really interesting, he's out of high school, and no, not if you keep acting like this." I give him a small shove.

"Axel, huh?" Hayner mumbles.

"Yes, Axel. He's kind of a pretentious asshole, like you." I stick my tongue out at him, he raises his middle finger in response.

"I'm sure he's a great guy, Roxas. I know you wouldn't date someone who isn't great." Olette shoots me a reassuring smile.

"Maybe someday he could come hang out with us all, I'm sure he'd think you guys are rad." 

"You sure he'd want to hang out with a bunch of high schoolers? How old is this guy, anyway?" Hayner spits.

How old is he? I've never even bothered to ask...

"I'm sure he'd like to meet my friends, dickwad." I squint my eyes, trying to send Hayner a telepathic message that says  _Fuck you_.

"Whatever, dude." He rolls his eyes.

The rest of them drop the topic and go back to eating their lunches and desolate conversation.

 

I'd never even thought about our ages...


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alcohol use, smut, gayness. Abnormally long chapter to make up for lack of quality updates in either story. 
> 
> Quote: "But my favorite place is the warm embrace of holding your hair back in a bathroom stall." - Bittersweet by Panic! At The Disco.

"Axel?" 

We're together sitting on the couch in his apartment watching some chick flick he picked out. It's been bothering me that I don't even know my own  _boyfriend's_ age. It can't hurt to ask...

"Yeah, baby?" He mumbles, still completely focused on the screen.

"Can I ask you something kind of important?"

He pauses the movie and turns to me. "Important?"

"Yeah, or at least I think so," I streak my hands through my hair and sigh.

"Then it's import-."

"How old are you?!" The words vomit out of my mouth before he can even finish his sentence.

He just sit there, staring at me before he starts to laugh. 

"Don't laugh! I'm being serious!" 

"I didn't realize we've never had this conversation, I'm 21."

He's 21.  _Twenty-one._ I'm not even fucking legal. 

"Oh. Okay..." 

He pushes me onto my back and leans over me. "Old enough to buy some booze and get wasted with you, baby."

I loll my head back onto the couch and he climbs between my legs. "Sound good to you?" 

Kisses pepper my neck and I moan in response. "I take that as a yes?" He purrs.

"A-agh... You never even asked... how old I am." Neck kisses are my weakness. They are everyone's weakness, It is a scientific fact.

"Fine. How old are you?" He stops suckling on my neck.

"17," I say shyly.

"That's cool. Can we continue now?"

"That's cool? That's all you have to say? I'm not even legal!" I start to sit up but he pushes me back over.

"Uh, yeah you are. Age of consent is 16, duh." He raises his eyebrow.

"My mother doesn't even know we're together, how could she ever consent to this? You need her permission for this to be legal." 

"Then I'll meet her. It's not a huge issue, Roxas. You need to relax a bit..." He kisses my neck one more time. "And I've got just the thing."

He rolls off the couch and walks over to the kitchen. There's faint clanging sounds before he returns with some plastic cups and a bottle. He pours the liquid into the cups and hands me one.

"What the fuck is this?" I squint my eyes, trying to decipher if it's poison or not.

"You tryin' to tell me a 17 year old boy has never drank before?" He smirks.

Alcohol... Okay... There's a first time for everything, right?

"This smells like straight up nail polish remover, Axel..." I whine.

"Shut up and drink. It'll make you feel better." He starts to down the liquid like a pro.

I take a sip. It tastes like shit and feels like liquid fire going down. I choke and practically cough out a lung.

Axel smacks his hand on my back. "Baby, I know vodka's some hard shit but it's all I've got right now." He continues to sip his drink leisurely, completely immune to the burning. Once the coughing stops, he gestures for me to take another drink. I take a huge gulp, earning a laugh from him and more burning in my esophagus.

A few more sips and the burning starts to subside, which is pretty nice. Axel has moved onto his second cup by the time I'm halfway done with my first. I may know nothing about alcohol, but I know I'll probably be drunk by the time I finish this cup. I'd probably be like, shit faced by the time I start a third cup considering how this is my first time. Getting drunk with Axel actually sounds pretty fun.

 

* * *

 

I've gotten used to the taste of nail polish and have drank about three and a half drinks now; Axel sipping on his fourth. We've engaged in idiotic conversations that all end in fits of laughter, and I love it. I love this feeling. Axel and I are the only humans on Earth in this moment, and it's a beautiful thing. I reach out and place my hands on his pink cheeks, rubbing my thumb in circles lightly. He's burning up. Is he sick? Am I warm too? 

"You're really warm..." I don't recognize my own voice.

"I knooow," He groans.

He gives me a drunken smile and wiggles his eyebrows before lifting his shirt off his head and throwing it across the room. "That's better."

The colors swirling around his skin make my head spin. "Your tattoos are so...pretty." I reach out and stroke his arm lightly.

"Thanks, I picked 'em out myself," he laughs loudly. 

An idea pops into my head and I smile evilly. I set the cup down on the coffee table and crawl over to his lap and plop myself onto him. I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Woah there, looks like this really was some liquid courage." He grabs onto my waist and leans forward to place his cup on the table.

"You tryin' ta say I wouldn't do this sober?" I pout.

"I dunno."

He mashes our lips together in a sloppy kiss. I arch my back and let out a small moan, and he take the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth. He tastes like alcohol and shit, but so do I so I can't judge him. He tightens his grip around me and I rake my hands through his spiky locks. His hair is actually pretty soft, which would surprise any human being in existence. I can feel his growing erection under my ass. He's turned on by drunken sloppy makeout sessions? The tent in my pajama pants tells me I am too.

Next thing I know, he's grabbing at the hem of my shirt and ripping it off of me. He goes straight to my throat to continue the little licks and kisses. A string of swears and mumbling erupts from within me as I start to rock my hips back and forth slightly above him. He forces me down onto his lap again and lets out a loud moan.

"Roxas... fuck," he practically screams out.

"Shhh, you don't wanna wake the neighbors," I giggle. 

I gently snake my hand down his chest until I reach the waistband of his sweatpants. I lift myself off his lap and kneel on the floor in front of him. 

He shivers when I run my hand across the bulge on the outside of his pants. He runs his hands through my hair. "Please..." he whimpers.

I smirk and slowly inch my way towards his waist.

I slip his boxers and sweats off simultaneously; I've tortured him long enough.

"I see you dye your hair." I chuckle.

"You shut your mouth. Black didn't suit me."

"Whatever you say..." I grasp his length and he tenses. I slowly start to work my hand up and down.

He starts to buck his hips into my fist and whimpers loudly. I bend down and lick the underside.

"F-fuck... Let me fuck you..." He whines.

I ignore him and flick my tongue across his tip. He tastes salty.

"You taste like sea-salt ice cream," I start to giggle.

"You're super fuckin' weird." He bucks his hips again.

I open my mouth and take him in. A pleasured sigh escapes his lips. His hands start to do the work for me, forcibly bobbing my head on and off his shaft.

He decides to take it a step further and shoves me down as far as I can go. His dick hits the back of my throat and I swallow. There's about two or three inches left out of my mouth, so I wrap my fingers around and return to working the skin up and down.

"More..." He grunts.

His slam me on and off faster, yelling out profanity and bucking his hips wildly. I'm glad I'm drunk as shit because I probably would've vomited by now due to all the uvula abuse. He slams me down one last time before keeping me there, draining himself into my mouth. He shivers and whimpers my name. I swallow, something else I'd probably never do sober, but my drunk self is thinking of it as ice cream more than cum.

When I look up, Axel is staring at me.

"That was the wildest shit I've done in years..."

I'm about to answer when I feel bile in my throat. I get up and sprint off to the bathroom, Axel following behind me.

I begin emptying my stomach into the toilet bowl. "Maybe we should get you some lighter booze next time..." he mumbles, holding stray hairs out of my face.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoooly shit guys. It's been a really long time. I've been working hard in school, saw Gerard Way in concert and met him, went to a convention, tried to apply for jobs, and my sister just had a baby. My birthday is also on Monday, so that's pretty rad. If you follow me on tumblr or twitter you'll be able to know I am in fact not dead, plus I really want to be able to interact with you lovely people.  
> ALSO, 400+ HITS? FUCKING HELL YOU GUYS ARE GREAT I LOVE YOU ALL.  
> Let's get this story up and going again. It's been too long.  
> Side note: Of course, it isn't a real chapter unless I accidentally DELETE THE ENTIRE THING RIGHT AS I FINISH.
> 
> Quote: "The good times make the bad times worth our time." - Good Times by NeverShoutNever

My dreams are interrupted by an annoying buzzing. Groaning, I rip my phone out from under my pillow and click the screen on and the light of a thousand suns immediately pierces my retinas. Whatever this is better be fucking important.

_Axel: Happy anniversary :)_

Well shit. That's pretty important. I smack my hand to my forehead. I can't believe I forgot our two month anniversary.

_Roxas: good morning and happy anniversary hun_

I manage to roll myself out of bed and get to the bathroom.

Of course my bedhead picks TODAY of all days to be awful. It's going to take a long time to be Axel-seeing ready. 

I attempt to tame my hair and don't even bother to get dressed for our date today. I'll deal with it later.

_Axel: What are our plans for today?_

Okay, so he doesn't have anything planned. That makes me feel a bit better. But then again, neither do I. What do you do on two month anniversaries? We just hung out for our first one, but maybe I should actually try to make this one special. I don't even have a gift for him yet, though... I'm literally the worst.

_Roxas:_ _I'm fine with anything you want to do_

There. That should take the edge off a little bit.

I descend downstairs. The smell of eggs and bacon gets stronger the closer I get to the kitchen. My mother is standing over the stove, humming along to the radio.

"Morning," I croak, shuffling around for my usual coffee.

"Goodmorning~" She sings. I'm envious of how much energy she has.

"You're in a good mood today."

"It's a beautiful day! Why wouldn't I be in a good mood?"

"I dunno." I locate the coffee beans and pour the into the machine and start it up.

"And what are  _your_ plans on this lovely day?" She raises an eyebrow. "You seem to be quite the social butterfly now a days."

"I'll probably just hang out with Axel."

"Who is this infamous Axel, anyways? You spend all of your time together now. I don't even know what he looks like and you two are like, best friends."

I tense up. So she has noticed...

"He has red hair and is super tall. Now you know." I pour her and myself a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," she takes her cup from me. "But that doesn't help me at all. Why don't you invite him  _here_ for a change?"

I choke on my drink. The burning in my throat also sends me into a coughing fit.

"Oh my god, are you okay?!" She scurries over to me and pats my back.

"Y-yeah...I'm okay..." I wipe stray tears away from my eyes and try to calm the coughing.

"Oh thank god! You almost scared me to death!" She puts her hand on her chest and breathes a sigh of relief.

"Anyways though, Roxas. Your friend is coming over for dinner tonight."

"But Mom, I don't thi-"

"No buts! I will be making enough dinner for the three of us. I expect him to be here by 6!" She prances off into another room, leaving me speechless.

 

 

_Roxas: i guess youre coming over tonight for dinner. my mother demands it._

_Axel: I'll be there at 5._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey babies. Didn't anticipate this long of a wait, but this chapter took a lot of writing and rewriting to set up the rest of the story. Forgive me.  
> Per usual, I don't own the characters. Just the story. Don't take the story. It's all I have.
> 
> Quote: "So let's laugh, let's laugh. Let's learn to laugh at ourselves again. Let's love, let's love. Let's hate what our love makes us do." -.weighted. by frnkiero andthe cellabration.

My mother scurries around the kitchen, preparing whatever food she has planned for the occasion.

Axel meeting my mother... just the thought of it sounds like a disaster. I'm not saying that Axel isn't husband-material, but I haven't taken a significant other home since Kairi...

I changed into a plain blue button up and black slacks, special enough for the next step in our relationship, but not too fancy, you know?

I glace at the clock. It's 4:47. Axel will be here any minute and I haven't made a single effort to explain our "friendship" to Mom. I honestly have never had a conversation about homosexuality with her before, let alone being interested in men.

"Roooooxas!" Get down here and set the table!" My mother yells.

 

No going back now.

 

I drag myself down the stairs and do as my mother wishes. Plate in the center... napkin to the left... fork on top of the napkin... knife and spoon to the right. Wash, rinse, and repeat. Just how Mom likes it.

I glace back at the clock. It reads 4:53. My heart skips a beat.

I never realized the severity of coming out to my parents. I mean, I know my mom loves me and all that, but you always hear those stories of kids being rejected by their family 'cause they're gay. Or that it's a "disease". What if I'm one of those people? What if she hates Axel? What if-

 

_DING DONG_

 

The doorbell rings and shakes me to my core. I sprint to open it, just in case my mother judges the book by its cover and doesn't let him in.

I swing the door open, revealing a cleaned up version of the Axel I know and love. His face is clean of his usual Cleopatra-eye makeup, but the small ring hangs from his septum. A clean and neat black dress shirt with matching black pants clings to his body. 

"Well hello there, sugarplum." He shoots me a wink.

 

I could get used to this.

 

"I see you didn't go all glam queen for my dear mother." I roll my eyes and pull him inside.

"I didn't know if Mom would approve of my  _raging_ gayness, so I took some safety precautions." _  
_

"Oh shut up. She said she wants to meet you because we're " _like, best friends"_. I do my best impression of Mom, earning a laugh from Axel.

He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into his chest. "We're a tid bit closer than she suspects. How're we gonna play this off, Roxy?" His whispers send shivers down my spine.

I trail my fingers up to his cheekbone and rub my thumb across it. "You're going to be on your best behavior. I don't need her freaking out tonight. She hasn't even met you yet and I'm nervous."

"Then let's get in there." He pushes me away from him and opens the door.

 

I follow him to our inevitable doom.

 

 

* * *

 

I peek my head into the kitchen. Mom is still buzzing around the kitchen. Good.

Axel sits down on the sofa and gestures for me to join him. 

"Can we talk?" He simply states.

"Uh, sure. We don't have much time until my mom notices you're here, though..."

"It won't take long." He gives me a small smile. "What do you want me to do?"

He catches me off guard. What do I want him to do...?

"W-What do you mean?" I stutter out.

"How do you want me to act around your mom? Do you want me to act like we're just friends or are you... uh... out?" He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

"No. I'm not out. She's never asked, so I never told, ya know? She thinks we're just really really good friends. I don't know if I want her knowing about us quite yet..." A huge sigh escapes from me. "I don't know what I want..." My face falls into my hands.

"Hey hey hey, no acting like that. It's okay. Whatever you're comfortable with, baby. I can tone it down for tonight."

"Really?"

"Really, really." He smirks.

I snuggle up to him, resting my head on his chest. Fingers rake through my hair and Axel is humming softly. I don't think I've ever been this comfortable in my entire existence.  I let the Axel-scented fantasies take me away to dream town.

 

* * *

 

"ROXAS, IS YOUR FRIEND HERE YET?"

My mother's squeals startle me awake.

"Fuck. How long have I been asleep?" I whisper-yell at Axel. He shrugs nonchalantly in response.

"Roxas?" I hear my mother's voice growing closer and closer. I start to panic and realize I'm still clinging to Axel. I rip us apart and stand up abruptly, knocking Axel in the face in the process.

"What the fuck, Rox-" Axel shrieks, covering his nose with both hands just as my mother walks into the living room.

"Roxas...?" My mother is wide eyed and bewildered beyond belief. "What did you do?!"

I look over and see blood dripping between Axel's fingers.

 

This is going to be the worst dinner of my entire life...


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been many months. I'm sorry. Thank you for all your continued support while I've been MIA. I love you all.
> 
> I don't own KH or the reference to Modern Baseball's song Pothole.  
> Quote: "So am I what you needed? Say you love me to my face." - The Thrash Particle by Modern Baseball.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry! Here," I frantically try to pinch Axel's nose closed. "Tip your head back!"

"Would you fucking stop? Haven't you done enough?" Axel smacks my hand away. I wince at the sight of a little blood transferred to my hand.

"Roxas? What did you do?" A surprisingly calm voice asks from behind me.

Oh, right. My mother...

"U-uh. Mom... I can explain?" I squeak out.

"You don't sound so sure. What's going on?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, go on Roxas! Tell her how you just fucking pile-drived my nose! Oww..." He lightly taps at the bridge of his already-bruising nose.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to and you know it!"

"Whatever... Can I at least get a fucking towel?" He greedily holds out his hand.

"O-oh, yeah absolutely!" I rush out of the room to fetch the towel.

I run to the towel closet next to the bathroom. Grabbing the darkest towel I can find, I slam it closed and hurry back to Axel.

When I enter the room, my mother is cupping her hands under Axel's nose, which is already covered by his crimson hands. Tiny blotches have sprinkled onto her palms. How the fuck did I hit him hard enough for him to lose that much blood?

"I-I got it!" Kneeling down next to Axel, I frantically wipe my mother's hands. "I'm so sorry."

"For what? I'm not the one you hit," She smirks.

"But you got his blood on you and it could possibly drip onto the furniture or the floor and-"

"That's all hunky dory, but can we focus on my  _fucking nose_?!" Axel spits.

"I'm sorry!" He snatches the towel from me and holds it up to his nostrils.

I don't think I've ever fucked up this badly in my life.

"Roxas, he needs a hospital... I'm pretty sure you broke his nose..." The seriousness in Mom's voice suggests I should take her advice.

"O-okay. We can do that. Come on," I grab Axel's arm. "Let's get you all fixed up."

"About time..." He grumbles as he gets up and heads to the door. 

 

* * *

 

 

"Now tell me again what happened...?" A small man with beady eyes examines Axel carefully.

"Listen, doc. My friend here was taking a nap and was startled by his mom which caused him to go all ape shit on my nose somehow." Axel growls, obviously annoyed with the man touching his nose.

"Now that doesn't make very much sense, does it?" He gives a weary laugh.

"Just fix my nose so we can leave, please." Axel groans.

"Impatient, aren't you?" The doctor begins to put a small bandage-like thing on Axel's nose. "Luckily, nothing's out of place. It will heal very nicely. You'll be as good as new in a few weeks." 

"Thank you so much... And Axel," I turn to the angry man sitting on the cot, "I'm so, so sorry." I give him a weak smile.

"Yeah, whatever" he's still furious.

"Let's go," I gesture for him to get up and follow me out of the hospital. Mom joins us.

Getting in the car, there's still a lot of tension in the air. We drive in silence for a bit until Mom breaks the silence.

"Can we talk about how exactly this happened...?" She squeaks out.

My eyes widen and I look at Axel. He looks just as freaked out as me. "What do I do?" He mouths at me. I shrug.

"Hello?" Mom turns around and looks at me. 

"Keep your eyes on the road, Mom." I say.

"You can't avoid this forever, Roxas. I don't really believe that you just happened to almost break your friends nose. Did you get into a fight or something...?" She sounds so innocent.

"N-no..."

"Then what happened? The sooner you tell me the sooner we can drop it."

"U-uh, we were just hanging out on the c-couch and, uh..." I stumble for words.

I feel Axel's warm fingers slip between mine. My words start to become incoherent.

"We were cuddling, to sum up his babbling." Axel says coolly. 

A small scream escapes my throat. My mother is silent. Axel is looking me directly in the eyes. We pull into my driveway.

"You see, I'm in love with your son. He is the ember of my heart, whether he likes it or not." A smirk tugs at his lips. My mother still hasn't said a single thing. My mind is going a million miles an hour.

 

I rip the car door open and let the contents of my stomach decorate the grass. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly the worst person ever when it comes to updating. I'm so sorry.
> 
> Quote: "I'm bad at keeping my emotions bubbled, you're good at being perfect, we're good at being troubled." - IFHY by Tyler, The Creator.

"Roxas! Holy fuck, are you alright?!" Axel reaches out to touch my shoulder. I shrug him away and rush towards the house.

I can't fucking breathe. I never intended things to go this way, and I never wanted it come out like this. My legs are weak as I try to climb the stairs to my bathroom.

I slam the seat up and bile bites at the back of my throat. Tears are blurring my vision as I stare into the toilet. The second stage of my grieving process, bawling like a bitch. I push myself back against the wall and let the tears fall.

Careful footsteps approach my door and a small knock is heard.

"Roxas..." he whispers.

"W-what do y-you fucking want?"

"Baby please... Let me in," his voice is like silk. I peel myself off the floor and slowly open the door. We stare for a while, contemplating how to deal with the situation. Should I be mad and tell him to leave? Should I collapse into his arms and tell him to never leave me?

"What do you want me to do?" Axel says sternly. "It needed to happen."

"You think that was the right way to tell my fucking mother that I'm gay? What made you think that was a good idea?! Why didn't you just let me tell her myself?" I feel the tears flowing again. Fuck.

"Look... You were never going to do it yourself. I don't want anymore secrets or sneaking around. I'm sorry it was hard for you but I can't keep hanging around as your good pal Axel. I am your boyfriend, am I not? Treat me like I am." His eyes are pained. This is bigger than just me coming out, I guess.

"I-I don't know what to say, Axel..."

"Say you love me, go talk to your mother. I think she deserves and explanation after a fucking day like this."

"If you say so..." He pushes past me into the bathroom and closes the door behind him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Mom?" I call out. She should be here somewhere...

"Yeah?" She responds from the living room. She's watching her usual shows, like none of this ever happened.

"I think we should talk."

"I think we should too, Roxy." Her voice is gentle.

My mouth opens, but no words come out.

"I guess I should start?" She smiles subtly. "Roxas, why didn't you tell me sooner? Did you really think I would throw you out on the streets because of your sexuality?"

"N-no... It's just-"

"I love you so much, Roxas. I don't want you to think you have to hide things from me. I will accept you no matter what you are." Tears are forming at the corners of her eyes, but the soft smile is still there.

"I know, Mom..."

"Axel seems like a good man. I'm glad you're happy with him and that he is happy with you."

"Thank you, he  _is_ a good man. I know I should've told you about him sooner, but I never felt like the time was right. I knew you would accept me, I just didn't know if  _everyone_ could. I wasn't, and kinda still am not fully comfortable with the fact that someone other than Axel and I knows. It's hard to explain, I guess..." I sheepishly rub my neck. Why can't I find the right words?

I perk up when the sound of footsteps echo through the house. Axel enters the room and immediately sits next to my mother.

"Okay... I just wanted you to know I really do love your son. I didn't mean to make him freak out and puke everywhere, I'll clean it up if you want. I just really needed to get it off my chest and I think he did too. I know I picked the worst possible way to tell you, but I planned on doing it over dinner anyways. Plan B was obviously to tell you while driving me home from the hospital 'cause your son sucker punched me in the nostrils." He winks, earning a giggle from Mom.

Always the fuckin' charmer, eh?

"I know, Axel."

"Oh please, you can call me Axey." He purrs.

"Please stop flirting with my mother..." I scold.

"What, are ya jealous?" He wiggles his eyebrows.

"Would you just shut up?"

"Excuse me? Who's the one with the fucked up nose? I think it's me."

"Are you going to use that against me forever?" I roll my eyes as he pulls me down onto the couch between him and my mother.

"Maybe," he plants a kiss on my forehead. 

"You're an ass," I smile at him.

"I know, I know."

Mom shushes us and we direct our attention to her shows.

 

Who knew puking on your lawn could bring your family closer?


End file.
